


ASOUE Groupchat

by FredGeorge123



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Gen, Isadora and Klaus are the disaster duo of your nightmares, MPGIS references, Quigley may or may not be high, Sunny loves Bea II, groupchat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-07 17:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20313274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FredGeorge123/pseuds/FredGeorge123
Summary: Bibliophile: I just discovered soemthing that changed my lifeJournalist: I hope it was a video that finally taught you how to tie your lacesMasterChef: Oooh you just got-Izzie123: -#DuncanBurnedJournalist: Now you’re on my side?Bibliophile: I have read more books by the time I was twelve than most people ever do. Now seven years have passed, I have read more books than all of you put together. Honestly that is saying something because you guys also read a lot. But nowhere near have me, and none of you qualify as a true bibliophile. Except maybe Izzie and Duncan and even that barely.Steampunk: They didn’t know you could burn back thenIzzie123: Oooh you just got-MasterChef: #VioletBurned





	1. Chapter 1

Bibliophile: So…

Izzie123: So…?

Bibliophile: Yes…?

Journalist: Hmm?

Izzie123: Duncan is that the best you can do?

Journalist: Yes

Izzie123: Well I guess I should expected as much from a journalist

Journalist: What’s that supposed to mean?

Izzie123: You have no imagination

MasterChef: Oooh you just got #IzzieBurned

Izzie123: Yes he did

Journalist: Sunny you’re like 5

MasterChef: So?

Journalist: So you shouldn’t be like this

Journalist: You shouldn’t even have a phone

MasterChef: Don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t

Journalist: How?

Steampunk: I don’t even know

Journalist: Anyway I have tons of imagination

Izzie123: Do not

Journalist: Do too

80days: Now let’s no fight like children

Journalist: Shut it Quigy you’re two and a half minutes younger than me

Izzie123: Five minutes younger than me. Ah... Yes. Those were the days.

Izzie123: Duncan you could have called yourself something like Newsie

80days: Don’t call me Quigy

Bibliophile: Guys?

Journalist: Take that back you jerk!

Izzie123: Newsie~

Journalist: Am not!

Bibliophile: Guys?!

Izzie123: Are too!

Journalist: What about Izzie123? Jo March and Anne Shirley would be disappointed in you

Izzie123: THAT WAS BELOW THE BELT

80days: And people think that you're pretty cool

Izzie123: Jo March and Anne Shirley ruled the damn schoolyard. Pry this from my cold dead hands

80days: They said the same thing about Huckleberry Finn

Izzie123: Don't expose me like this

Journalist: HEY DON'T BRING HUCKLEBERRY FINN INTO THIS

Bibliophile: GUYS!

MasterChef: Klaus wants to say something so shut up

Journalist: Sunny we know that

MasterChef: Thought you were way too dumb to

Izzie123: Oooh you just got #SunnyBurned

Journalist: Bullies…

Bibliophile: You’re getting bullied by a 5 year old

Izzie123: Oooh you just got-

MasterChef: -#KlausBurned

Journalist: …

Bibliophile: Now it has been my first day of college but no one has asked me how it went!

Steampunk: Sorry Klaus go on

Bibliophile: I just discovered soemthing that changed my life

Journalist: I hope it was a video that finally taught you how to tie your laces

MasterChef: Oooh you just got-

Izzie123: -#DuncanBurned

Journalist: Now you’re on my side?

Bibliophile: I have read more books by the time I was twelve than most people ever do. Now seven years have passed, I have read more books than all of you put together. Honestly that is saying something because you guys also read a lot. But nowhere near have me, and none of you qualify as a true bibliophile. Except maybe Izzie and Duncan and even that barely.

Steampunk: They didn’t know you could burn back then

Izzie123: Oooh you just got-

MasterChef: #VioletBurned

Journalist: Really Violet? I thought we had something special

Izzie123: What the hell did you just say Klaudius?

MasterChef: Klaudius?

Izzie123: Damn, stupid autocorrect

MasterChef: No but Klaudius?

Bibliophile: The hell did you call me Isabella?

Izzie123: Insert that throwing hands with a twelve year old meme

Journalist: Hey, hey! Maintain the peace

Izzie123: It was unintentional and Kladius suits you

Bibliophile: Take that back

**Izzie123 changed Bibliophile's name to Kladius**

**Bibliophile changed Izzie123's name to Saison**

Journalist: Top Ten Anime Betrayals

MasterChef: Mmm whatcha say

Saison: How dare you

Journalist: Run like colours of the wind becaus your life depends on it

Kladius: You know what? Kladius is a pretty chill name

Journalist: Listan you are one of my very best friends and I cannot sit and watch you throw away your life like this

Journalist: You're too young

Journalist: Too beautiful

Kladius: Duncan you actually make a pretty chill Trisha

Journalist: Thank you

Steampunk: Klaus apologise. Isadora cannot even form words

**Saison changed Steampunk's name to Tinkerbell**

MasterChef: Lesson is that never get into a Klaus and Isadora fight

80days: Isadora, try inserting the surprised Pikachu meme

Tinkerbell: I'm not insulted because I actually have taste

MasterChef: Violet try inserting 'Tinkerbell is good, you guys are just mean'

80days: Hey guys! If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?

Bibliophile: What?  
80days: Idaho, Alaska

MasterChef: Quigley if I had half the sheer audicity you have then I'd just shut up

80days: Well excuse me for trying to lighten up the mood

Kladius: We get it. You know all fifty states

Saison: Including Los Angelos

Kladius: Wow you put the B-I-T-C-H in bitch Izzie

Saison: Well isn't it the pot calling the kettle a bitch

Kladius: What did you say to me?

Saison: Bitch

Journalist: Okay that was bad but let's not get worked up without reason

80days: I think I just saw Carmelita Spats

Journalist: The hell does she want now

Saison: Wow Duncan, you're such a role model

Journalist: I don't hate Carmelita

Journalist: It just annoys me when she breathes

80days: I have never held a proper conversation with Carmelita but due to living in mutual agreement to have nothing to do with each other plus still be in walking distance without a care I can safely say when she doesn't go on and on about herself she's pretty okay

80days: She radiates Shay Van Buren energy to an extent

**Saison changed their name to MacKenize**

**Kladius changed their name to Brittany**

**Journalist changed their name to Trisha**

MasterChef: I thought I was Brittany

Trisha: Oh my god which one of you let Sunny watch MPGIS?

MacKenzie: Don't look at me

Brittany: Don't look at me

Tinkerbell: Quigley?

80days: I honestly think she watched it herself

Brittany: Nah Sunny you're Deandra

MasterChef: Oh yeah

**Brittany changed MasterChef's name to Deandra**

Brittnay: Yep

Trisha: HEY BUT WHO LET SUNNY WATCH MPGIS?

Deandra: Bold of you to assume that anyone let's me do anything

80days: Hey guys it's 2:21AM

Trisha: This is college life Quigy

80days: Don't call me Quigy

Tinkerbell: Duncan you're a freshman

MacKenzie: We've read fanfiction

80days: You mean fake literature that is just borrowing some else's work without permission leading to discourse about characterisation and the plot because one is too accustomed to specific headcanons to realise that they aren't canonical but instead of realising, distinguishing and accepting they argue and unnecessarily take off their earrings despite the fact that the work was never theirs ro begin with

Tinkerbell: WAY TO RUIN THE PEACE, KAREN

Tinkerbell: Shit I mean Quigley

Brittany: KAREN

Trisha: FAKE LITERATURE?!

Brittnay: QUIGLEY YOU BITCH

Tinkerbell: I MEANT QUIGLEY

MacKenzie: You both are gonna get it

Mackenzie: Quigley first because FAKE LITERATURE?!

80days: Did you all just ignore the rest of my comment?

Tinkerbell: QUIGLEY

Tinkerbell: NOT KAREN

80days: I'm just gonna yeet myself off this crappy rooftop and hope for the best because discourse is bad for my mental health

Trisha: QUIGLEY FIRST OF ALL

Trisha: WAIT DON'T YEET YOURSELF OFF A ROOFTOP

Trisha: How high are you?

80days: 5'9

Trisha: What?

Bibliophile: KAREN

Trisha: Very funny

Tinkerbell: LET ME LIVE

MacKenzie: QUIGLEY QUAGMIRE WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO CALL FANFICTION FAKE LOTERATURE

Trisha: Wait your not 5'9

Trisha: Oh yeah I'm loving the crack jokes

Bibliophile: LOTERATURE

Mackenzie: SHUT UP KLADIUS

MacKenzie: SHIT

Bibliophile changed MacKenzie's name toSaison

Saison: SHIT

Trisha: Wait you're not actually high, right?

Trisha: OH MY GOD QUIGLEY PLEASE TELL ME YOUR NOT HIGH

80days: *you're

Deandra: I'm back

Deandra: Who's high?

Deandra: Ffs Quigley

Trisha: THAT DOESNT ANSWER THE QUESTION

80days: Yeet

Trisha: DONT DO IT QUIGLEY!

Trisha: STG

Deandra: We interrupt this program due to technical difficulties


	2. Chapter 2

Oregano: College life ain't shit

Oregano: Law books were utterly unbearable when I was 12 and they are utterly unbearable at 19

Switzerland: Aw poor baby

Oregano: You're a Lotarture major Izzie so you wouldn't know

Switzerland: Bitch

Switzerland: Are you ever gonna let go about my one spelling mistake

Oregano changed Switzerland's name to LOTERATURE

Oregano: Pry it from my cold dead hands

LOTERATURE: Now's not the time to argue who's hands are colder and deader

Twain: Hey Klaus

Twain: You never told us what you were gonna say

Oregano: Oh yeah

Oregano: It was a video where someone made a Grandfather clock into a toaster

Oregano: I mean...

Oregano: I'm speechless

Oregano: I

Oregano: Like I have no words for it

Twain: Sounds like that time you ripped out all the pages from an old geography book to make paper airplanes because it had no pictures

AndPeggy: DON'T EXPOSE ME

AndPeggy: AND WHAT KIND OF GEOGRAPHY BOOK HAS NO PICTURES

LOTERATURE: Nah this is worse

LOTARTURE: Who has even the audicity?

Yeet: Yep. Right, Vi?

Curtains: I mean yeah but can't we admire the brilliance and skill it would have taken?

Oregano: Nope

Twain: No

AndPeggy: Nah

LOTERATURE: No

Curtains: :(

Oregano: Noooo don't be sad

Curtains: :)

AndPeggy: :(

Twain: What now?

LOTERATURE: :P

AndPeggy: :0

AndPeggy has left the groupchat

Yeet: Should somone go get them?

Twain: Nah they have drama club otherwise they would have stayed

LOTERATURE: Soooo what should talk about?

LOTERATURE: But you won't believe what happened

Oregano: Go on

Curtains: Klaus why are you like this?

Curtains: The teachers think you're so polite and nice

Oregano: Bold of them to assume such a thing

LOTERATURE: Let me finish Klaus

LOTERATURE: We have Lit next

LOTERATURE: Okay so I was sitting under a tree reading about the Great Poet Lord Byron despite the fact I know everything about him

LOTERATURE: And I saw Carmelita insulting someone

LOTERATURE: You know the way she insults

Twain: I just saw the word Carmelita and I just remembered I have to go to Lit

Oregano: Please don't go Duncan

Oregano: You're the only good thing I have

Oregano: You can't leave me alone with Isadora

Oregano: You vowed that you couldn't watch me throw away my life

Oregano: Am I not too young?

Oregano: Too beautiful?

Twain: No of course not

Twain: I'll stay but only for you Klaus

Oregano: :D

Twain: <3

LOTERATURE: Now I just remebered I have to go to Lit

Twain: :(

Oregano: :(

LOTERATURE: Anyway so Saturated Sunrise was insulting someone when a girl approached her and told her to stop

Twain: Poor girl! Tell me who she is because she needs hugs and love ASAP. For meeting Carmelita, for dealing with Carmelita, for bothering with Carmelita and for existing and for everything in between

LOTERATURE: Carmelita stood their staring at the girl

Curtains: She probably never had to deal with someone telling her to stop

Oregano: No that isn't right

Twain: Hm... I don't think so

LOTERATURE: It was weird and I've been trying to figure out why

LOTERATURE: I really don't want anything in common with her

Oregano: Huh?

LOTERATURE: Just nevermind

AndPeggy entered DRAMA CLUB ANONYMOUS

AndPeggy: How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a scotsman dropped in the the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean providence, impoverished in squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar?

Princ3ss: Alexander Hamilton, my name is Alexander Hamilton. And there's a million things I haven't done but just wait you (just you, just you wait)

AndPeggy: I am not throwing away my (I am not throwing my) I am not throwing away my (I am not throwing away my) Ayo I'm just like my country, I'm young scrappy and hungry and I'm not throwing away my shot

Princ3ss: Raise a glass to the four of us, tomorrow there'll be more of us, telling the story of

AndPeggy: Work work

Princ3ss: Angelica

AndPeggy: Work work

Princ3ss: Eliza

AndPeggy: AND PEGGY

Princ3ss: The Schuyler sisters

AndPeggy: We're looking for a mind at work

Princ3ss: Work

AndPeggy: We're looking for a mind at work

Princ3ss: Work

Yeet: You guys do this every time you both enter the groupchat

AndPeggy: WAY TO RUIN THE SONG!

AndPeggy: Who is this anyway?

Princ3ss: It's Solitude AKA you know who

AndPeggy: What are you even doing here? I thought we kicked you out

Yeet: I'm not Solitude, I'm Luke

Princ3ss: Don't fall for it. It's definitely Solitude

Yeet: I am not

AndPeggy: ...

Yeet: ...

Princ3ss: ...

AndPeggy: ...

Yeet: ...

Princ3ss: ...

AndPeggy: ...

Yeet: ...

Princ3ss: Are we waiting for something

AndPeggy: We're waiting for the responsible adult to say 'Solitude this chat is full of college students. You should not be here'

Princ3ss: Ah

AndPeggy: ...

Yeet: ...

Princ3ss: ...

AndPeggy: ...

Yeet: ...

Princ3ss: ...

AndPeggy: ...

Yeet: ...

Princ3ss: ...

AndPeggy: Now I'm just disappointed in the three of us

Yeet: I am not even Solitude

Yeet: Who is Solitude? Your little sister?

Princ3ss: Well if you're not Solitude then I'll add Violet Baudelaire to the groupchat

Yeet: Shit

AndPeggy: NO SWEARING

AndPeggy: For five year olds anyway

Yeet: Do you even have Violet's number?

Princ3ss: Peggy give me Violet's number

AndPeggy: Get in line

Yeet: I IMAGINE DEATH SO MUCH IT FEELS LIKE A MEMORY

Princ3ss: You know what I mean

Princ3ss: She's overrated anyway

Yeet: EXCUSE ME BITCH

AndPeggy: I cannot even belive I just saw that

Princ3ss: Here it comes

HALF AN HOUR LATER

Yeet: And that concludes Part 1 of Violet Baudelaire, an essay, also a work in progress

Princ3ss: Did you guys have this essay planned?

Yeet: YEET

Yeet: You know it's so funny that nobody on this chat knows each other's identity but I know both of your identities

Princ3ss: And nobody knows your identity except for me and Peggy

Princ3ss: On a sidenote, can't you tell me another name apart from Peggy?

AndPeggy: Can you tell me another name apart from Heather?

Princ3ss: Touché

AndPeggy: Can you even tell me which Heather?

Princ3ss: Chandler, Duke, McNamara or the one from Total Drama

Princ3ss: Take your pick

AndPeggy: I'm leaving the chat

AndPeggy: Some bitch honestly asked me if I was homeless

Princ3ss: Well that makes it easier to find who you are

Princ3ss: Who dresses like a homeless person in college?

Princ3ss: Okay that wasn't much of a hint

Princ3ss: Who would plan an essay on Violet Baudelaire?

Princ3ss: Okay that wasn't much of a hint either

Princ3ss: Who would write this essay on something irrelevant instead of doing their already assigned essays?

Princ3ss: Peggy this is cheating

AndPeggy: You told me you were the one wearing irrelevant clothing despite having too many overdue essays

AndPeggy: Someone came to class wearing a furry outfit and I didn't even notice until when the some kids started playing catch with it and it hit me on the head

AndPeggy: Shit the bitch got away

AndPeggy: Thanks a lot Heather

Yeet: I'm gonna go now. Promised BII that we'll have our own butler cafe

Princ3ss: What?

AndPeggy: Why not maid?

Yeet: Are you volunteering Peggy?

AndPeggy: I meant nothing by it but like why only butler?

Yeet: Again are you volunteering

Princ3ss: I'll volunteer as long as I'm a customer at the same time

Yeet: That's not how it works...


End file.
